While driving home tonight, I was listening to some music. A certain album that reminded me of a certain/specific time last year when I had previously listened to it a lot. It was about this time (October-December) when I did a lot of driving to and from Destiny College in the dark and in minus temperatures.
I know that does not sound like a great time, and I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed it all or didn’t have a bad attitude some of the time. Aside from my mood, listening to this particular album and driving when it’s seriously cold outside etc all took me back to that time quite vividly.
The memories I have of that time are a very mixed bag. Of course there are good and great ones from the festive season etc but something happened in December which somewhat tainted my memory.
This event I’m referring to will remain un-described along with everything and everyone else who I talk about on here: partly to protect the innocent, and partly because it’s not as “messy”.
As a result of this event, I found myself strangely stressed. Strange because I was in no way directly involved with it, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about it and who it did involve.
I did a lot of praying at the time, one time in particular in tears, for those involved. I can only praise and thank God that everything seems to have turned out well with those involved getting on with their lives. This album will probably always remind me of that time, despite being a superb album musically; it now has a sense of melancholic hindsight laced through it, of which I really can’t understand how I feel about.
The point of that description was not sympathy-seeking, but rather to lead to my next one:
Why is it sometimes so difficult to explain how you truly feel about a person/situation?
Songwriter/Keys player of Finnish band Nightwish explained to a documentary-maker that due to the melancholic nature of Finnish men, made worse by his own introverted personality, he wrote songs of meaning to people he knew without them knowing. He could tell someone how much he appreciated them, or just to take a run-and-jump away from him, and even if they hear the song, they are none the wiser. Some might say that that’s the coward’s way of expressing themselves, but let me ask: How many people in your life know how you truly feel about them?
In terms of the event I mentioned from last year, the people/person involved meant and means a great deal to me, and I now have the task of somehow, sometime letting them know how I felt at that time and how much I care(d) for them. I now feel the need to push past the Scottish ‘Crisis of Confidence’ and the British stoicism and awkwardness around real emotion, to get something off of my chest and hopefully encourage someone.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
The phrase ‘blessed to be a blessing’ comes to mind, and is clearly not just about money/time/help etc. We can bless someone by simply comforting them in their troubles because we ourselves have already been comforted.
Give what you have already received.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Saturday, 16 October 2010
K2 - The Mountain Laughs
John 10:10 says: The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Have you ever felt under attack?
Not necessarily by flesh and blood, but by an invisible enemy who seems to have a say in every part of your life. Sometimes, the worst part is that this enemy uses flesh and blood to find a chink your metaphorical armour.
When I said about the thief; he steals, kills and destroys, but what exactly? What is it that is so valuable or threatening that it must be destroyed (or attempted)?
This is not a repeat, or a dwelling on the negative. It just so happens that on the mountain, even once you reach the stage where fear no longer grips you, the threat is unfortunately no less present. I know that K2 is still alive and still mocking. But I am not afraid. I refuse to be discouraged for I have a higher authority ruling my life.
With thanks to Jesus, who showed perfect love [and perfect love conquers ALL fear] I am putting my trust in God Almighty.
K2 is in HIS hands.
He has it, and He has the wisdom, power and strength to deal with it.
Have you ever felt under attack?
Not necessarily by flesh and blood, but by an invisible enemy who seems to have a say in every part of your life. Sometimes, the worst part is that this enemy uses flesh and blood to find a chink your metaphorical armour.
When I said about the thief; he steals, kills and destroys, but what exactly? What is it that is so valuable or threatening that it must be destroyed (or attempted)?
This is not a repeat, or a dwelling on the negative. It just so happens that on the mountain, even once you reach the stage where fear no longer grips you, the threat is unfortunately no less present. I know that K2 is still alive and still mocking. But I am not afraid. I refuse to be discouraged for I have a higher authority ruling my life.
With thanks to Jesus, who showed perfect love [and perfect love conquers ALL fear] I am putting my trust in God Almighty.
K2 is in HIS hands.
He has it, and He has the wisdom, power and strength to deal with it.
Friday, 8 October 2010
Well and truly Floored!
This title may seem like some drunken rambling, but it's far from it.
I must warn those who read on: you may need a bucket if you're at all emotionally nautious...
I am blessed. I am loved. I am favoured. I have been knocked off my chair!
Sometimes, God reveals things to you in the most direct, but unexpected ways. I have been blessed with someone on this earth who loves me more than I love myself. In 7 months she will be my wife, and I am in awe. I am dumbfounded by the fact that I am capable of giving such love that makes someone feel so special, but moreso that I am loved just as much back. No need to worry, I am not in denial of this fact, I'm just...floored!
This wouldn't be one of my blogs without a quote from someplace or another (I'm noticing a purely accidental pattern) from a Nightwish song: "All the poetry in the world finally makes sense to me"
Every love song/poem written now has some level of meaning to me (whether I like it or not).
I am convinced that everyone in the world must be made aware that this experience is real, and can be found. All you have to do is ask. If this is the way I feel being loved by someone with skin, I am even more stunned into almost silence (not completely apparently)about how much God must love me.
Romans 8 concludes with "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life... nor ANY OTHER CREATED THING will be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus, our LORD" (and there's a much bigger list in there that I haven't mentioned).
As for us, and others with skin. If you are worried about where, when, how or if you will meet someone who will love you this much: ask God. I can't tell you IF you will, what I can is that it will be in God's timing, method and pace.
I see my relationship like a bottle of red wine: once it has been selected [person found], you acquire/buy it [get to know them], when you're convinced it's the right choice, you then open the bottle [date them] as the wine breathes, you appreciate and look forward to it [get engaged] and finally once it has breathed, you drink it [get married] and enjoy.
These steps cannot properly work if they are in the wrong order, or if they're rushed. But should be appreciated as they were intended.
There's so much more I could say, but I'll save it for another time.
I must warn those who read on: you may need a bucket if you're at all emotionally nautious...
I am blessed. I am loved. I am favoured. I have been knocked off my chair!
Sometimes, God reveals things to you in the most direct, but unexpected ways. I have been blessed with someone on this earth who loves me more than I love myself. In 7 months she will be my wife, and I am in awe. I am dumbfounded by the fact that I am capable of giving such love that makes someone feel so special, but moreso that I am loved just as much back. No need to worry, I am not in denial of this fact, I'm just...floored!
This wouldn't be one of my blogs without a quote from someplace or another (I'm noticing a purely accidental pattern) from a Nightwish song: "All the poetry in the world finally makes sense to me"
Every love song/poem written now has some level of meaning to me (whether I like it or not).
I am convinced that everyone in the world must be made aware that this experience is real, and can be found. All you have to do is ask. If this is the way I feel being loved by someone with skin, I am even more stunned into almost silence (not completely apparently)about how much God must love me.
Romans 8 concludes with "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life... nor ANY OTHER CREATED THING will be able to seperate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus, our LORD" (and there's a much bigger list in there that I haven't mentioned).
As for us, and others with skin. If you are worried about where, when, how or if you will meet someone who will love you this much: ask God. I can't tell you IF you will, what I can is that it will be in God's timing, method and pace.
I see my relationship like a bottle of red wine: once it has been selected [person found], you acquire/buy it [get to know them], when you're convinced it's the right choice, you then open the bottle [date them] as the wine breathes, you appreciate and look forward to it [get engaged] and finally once it has breathed, you drink it [get married] and enjoy.
These steps cannot properly work if they are in the wrong order, or if they're rushed. But should be appreciated as they were intended.
There's so much more I could say, but I'll save it for another time.
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
K2 - "Who are you to me?"
Here's the second part to a previous ramble on life and its struggles.
Of all places, while waiting on our food at a Chinese restaurant the other day, due to lack of people I knew to talk to, I found myself pondering a certain situation.
I don’t know if it was the mood I was in, but it was like enough was enough in my mind: I had had enough of being nervous or afraid of this K2. Life was so much easier before there was an issue, and I for one refuse to let this damage my future. My conclusions came together in potential lyrics for a song.
Some lines include “I won’t feel sorry anymore” and “I don’t have any more time to waste on you...”
Funnily, 2 songs come to mind and some up how I’m feeling. They too are Paramore songs ‘Ignorance’ and ‘Feeling Sorry’. Please feel free to look them up. The first is more direct in this case. (Thank you Hayley Williams for writing words to fuel this very blog) :P
So back this post:
I have no more time to waste on being miserable, or feeling sorry for myself or others involved. This K2 was beyond a joke a LONG time ago. It didn’t need to get this far and could have been sorted long ago, but that would have been too easy (sarcasm comes too easily).
I am no longer, and refuse to be a victim in this. But as long as there are collateral casualties because of K2, it will continue to be a thorn in many a side. The mistake would be letting it have attention and to focus on it until it has its way. My new mindset is that no matter how long it’s there, this thorn will NOT ruin my life. I am past being sick and tired. Let’s call it altitude sickness from the journey in conquering K2.
With reference to Psalm 118, when all nations surround me, even on every side, even when they swarm around me like bees but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
That may sound dramatic, but how I see it is that even when a simple situation can feel like an army of enemies have you covered, you can cut them off in Jesus’ name.
Refuse to be defeated!
I’ll leave you with this:
Psalm 16:8 - I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
to be continued...
Of all places, while waiting on our food at a Chinese restaurant the other day, due to lack of people I knew to talk to, I found myself pondering a certain situation.
I don’t know if it was the mood I was in, but it was like enough was enough in my mind: I had had enough of being nervous or afraid of this K2. Life was so much easier before there was an issue, and I for one refuse to let this damage my future. My conclusions came together in potential lyrics for a song.
Some lines include “I won’t feel sorry anymore” and “I don’t have any more time to waste on you...”
Funnily, 2 songs come to mind and some up how I’m feeling. They too are Paramore songs ‘Ignorance’ and ‘Feeling Sorry’. Please feel free to look them up. The first is more direct in this case. (Thank you Hayley Williams for writing words to fuel this very blog) :P
So back this post:
I have no more time to waste on being miserable, or feeling sorry for myself or others involved. This K2 was beyond a joke a LONG time ago. It didn’t need to get this far and could have been sorted long ago, but that would have been too easy (sarcasm comes too easily).
I am no longer, and refuse to be a victim in this. But as long as there are collateral casualties because of K2, it will continue to be a thorn in many a side. The mistake would be letting it have attention and to focus on it until it has its way. My new mindset is that no matter how long it’s there, this thorn will NOT ruin my life. I am past being sick and tired. Let’s call it altitude sickness from the journey in conquering K2.
With reference to Psalm 118, when all nations surround me, even on every side, even when they swarm around me like bees but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
That may sound dramatic, but how I see it is that even when a simple situation can feel like an army of enemies have you covered, you can cut them off in Jesus’ name.
Refuse to be defeated!
I’ll leave you with this:
Psalm 16:8 - I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
to be continued...
Unfortunate 2am
It is unfortunately 2am, 2.24am to be exact. I am due be help lead worship at Power Hour at 7am (with me arriving at church at 6.30). With myself partly to blame, I cannot sleep. I was up rather late last night and slept til 1pm today (ironically I was really tired).
The human body is a strange thing. You either under or oversleep even slightly, you feel like a zombie because you're struggling to stay awake during the day. But every once in a while (tonight in my case), your body refuses to sleep. This is after working, coming home to wind down and even take 4 of those Kalms to help me sleep...
...they aren't working.
I have been tossing and turning for about 3 hours, just getting hotter and more uncomfortable as time goes on.
As for the prayer meeting, I feel that an all-nighter may be necessary for me not feeling the 3-hour-sleep-groggy feeling. Hopefully, I'll just feel like the end of a very long day. That's my theory, here goes the practical.
The human body is a strange thing. You either under or oversleep even slightly, you feel like a zombie because you're struggling to stay awake during the day. But every once in a while (tonight in my case), your body refuses to sleep. This is after working, coming home to wind down and even take 4 of those Kalms to help me sleep...
...they aren't working.
I have been tossing and turning for about 3 hours, just getting hotter and more uncomfortable as time goes on.
As for the prayer meeting, I feel that an all-nighter may be necessary for me not feeling the 3-hour-sleep-groggy feeling. Hopefully, I'll just feel like the end of a very long day. That's my theory, here goes the practical.
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